The solace.
Being a person who likes to see everyone happy- the kind who runs from one person to another to make sure no one's feelings are hurt- leaves me stranded when it comes to sorting through those intractable conflicts posed by the human ego. The solace lies next to me in bed at night and reminds me, "You can't please everyone, Alina... Some people are just haters. Stay away from them or you'll be hated too." Patrick, our marriage, our family, is not intractable- it's an iterative process, a learn-and-grow-as-you-go, a wonder and a joy.
The truth doesn't suit my hopes. The truth is that there are angry people in the world who get a kick out of being angry and acting as if the world is against them. You can't get anywhere in that kind of discussion- the kind of discussion I've been having far too much for my taste lately. Someone whose identity and self-image is warped by being mad ends up a perpetual victim of their own cognitive choices.
When in doubt, whip out the Kurt Vonnegut. Sure enough, he's got it covered:
I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."
Have you confessed your happy moments today? Though most people seem to bond over complaints, especially political ones, sharing happiness seems like a stronger foundation for friendship. So I'll admit it- I'm happy that Orion magazine exists, that poetry still soothes and untangles the stuff too skewed to touch with ordinary language. I'm happy with the little ditty I scribbled in my journal today- a true story still reeking of macroinvertebrates and water. I'm happy to know that the ebb and flow is as much a part of me as of the world, a rhythmn to which I can dance.
